LAZY TEENAGERS “I’ll tell you what the problem is,” griped the parent. “My teenager is lazy! She never wants to do what I want her to do when I want her to do it. She’s always putting me off with excuses and delay. I mean, how lazy is that?” “Does she put off doing what she wants?” I asked. “Heck no! She always does what she wants right away.” “Then you’re teenager isn’t being lazy; she’s being selective. What about you? Do you ever put her off when she wants you to do something?” “Sure, if I’m busy or tired or don’t want to be interrupted. I tell her I’ll get around to doing what she wants when I want to.” “Isn’t that being lazy?” “No. It’s being the parent. Stop confusing the issue. She doesn’t have half as much to do as I do. Her life’s so simple. She’s only in high school. Wait ‘til she has to function out in the adult world! She has no idea what it’s like to be really busy. How do these high school kids spend their time, anyway?” Good question. Maybe it’s useful to let a teenager describe a typical day in high school. For one young person, it might feel something like this. “First you have to wake yourself up and get yourself up after too little sleep because you were working late getting that history project done. Then you have to prepare your appearance for school. You have to look in the mirror to see the latest problem with your body that keeps growing and changing in ways you don’t control. Next, fix your face and figure out what to wear. That’s the problem: how to show the positive and hide the negative. Then you start thinking about school. Who’s going to be your friend today? What teachers are going to be in a bad mood? When will you have time to straighten out that argument you had last night over the phone? Are you going to break up again? “Now for the hard part: trying to get out of the house without getting into a fight with your parents over things you were told to do but haven’t done yet. You know another lecture on Responsibility is coming up. You just hope it’s not this morning because you have to leave early to make a 7:30 AM practice session at school. You run out of the house promising over your shoulder to finish folding and putting away your laundry, emptying the dishwasher, and straightening up your room as soon as you get home. And you arrive at school just in time to get called down in front of everyone for being five minutes late. Why is it every teacher and coach think their demands of you come first? “Now you rush to make first period class. Major test today. Hope the questions are something you can answer. Now matter how much you study; you’re never really prepared. Can’t wait to get out of high school, but then what are you going to do? Parents keep asking. You don’t know. “Rest of the day in and out of classes, rushing to find enough time between to be with friends and repair last night’s argument. Someone passes you in the hall and offers sympathy about your breaking up. Why does everybody know more about your relationships than you do? “Classes finally over, with assignments stuffed into your notebooks, you rush off to your job – a few hours after school each day acting cheerful with impatient customers to make a little money to have something to spend. On paying friends back what you borrowed. On paying some of your own expenses because parents want you to act more grown up. But the more you make the more you want to buy, the less you have to get what you want, the more money you need to make. There’s never enough. “At last you get home, ready to slow down, settle in, and chill out. But as soon as you turn on the TV, parents want to talk to you. Responsibility lecture number one thousand and one. You don’t have much energy to put up a good fight so your parents feel their talk went well. To get them off your back you put a few dishes away, fold a few clean clothes, and kick the dirty ones under your bed. Then, to blot out the day, you lay down and relax with some loud music that your parents yell for you to turn down. “You’d like to go to sleep – for about a week. But you can’t. Not yet. Got to make that phone call and see if you can talk to each other without getting angry like last night. Then there’s homework to do. And something else you know is coming due, but you can’t remember what. Then you start worrying and wondering about tomorrow.” It’s a good question: what do teenagers do with their time? Well, if many parents had as much to do and think about as most teenagers, they might be “lazy” too. ©Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. For permission to use, contact the author.